Regaining Focus Through Art

Been a Long Time....

2011-04-04T11:38:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I last posted..... about a year. Things are good as far as my husband and things seem to be looking up for us. The reason that my blog was left to be swallowed up in cyberspace was because I had to start working to help make ends meet. My website had to be shut down and I've not had the heart to find another alternative for it.

ArtPrize was a great experience and I loved every moment of it, but it was not a profitable experience. It cost me money but I didn't get anything back in return. My art doesn't instigate commission interest and most people can't afford to buy artwork right now as it is. This year I won't be taking part of ArtPrize again. I'm really missing the experience, but logic outweighs my emotional desire. Not to mention it takes me entirely way too long to draw something to have it ready in time.

Working has been great for the family because instead of going under we are now breaking even, and that is a far more comfortable place to be in. Living in fear of losing electricity or the car is no fun, and I'm glad I can help contribute to the family's needs. Unfortunately it has me feeling quite at a loss with personal satisfaction that only comes through creating conceptual art. I feel like I had to give up my voice to make money. With everything there is a cost. I'm not upset over the choice I made... I really didn't have a choice to make, so how can I be upset over it? But I am missing creating my own art. It hurts to see so many of my artist friends creating beautiful pieces of art and looking at my own art hanging on my walls. I wish I could do it too. I keep on telling myself that it is only for a season.... Some day I will be able to draw and paint again for myself. Some days I believe it, and then other days I fear I won't be able to.

This blog post isn't a pity party posting though. It's just to let you know what I have been up to. Maybe for the rest of the day I will work on something artistic as I'm taking the day off. That will probably make me feel better. :) Especially in light of the fact that my husband has his next scan in just 2 weeks and we are very scared. It's been a year since his last scan.... Yeah, you probably have figured out that focusing has been hard with this knowledge. We are hoping and praying that all is clear, and believing that God is holding us.....

Where Am I???

2010-04-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

Many of you may be wondering where I have gone and if I have been working on any more paintings. So I thought I would let you know what is going on so you have to wonder no longer! :)

There is an art competition coming up in Grand Rapids, MI called ArtPrize. It is an awesome display of art from submissions all over the country. Many different venues host the art in the heart of Grand Rapids. Hundreds of artists participate and it is pretty exciting just to be a part of something so large that is open to the public to view and vote on. I have been working on a piece to submit! So I have been busy with that and art has not been put on a back burner.

My husband had his last treatment 2 weeks ago today. It seems odd to not be at the clinic right now. We've been going there for 6 months. This opens a whole new amount of anxieties and thoughts. The doctors say "Well, we did all we can do. Now we wait and see." While it is so good that my husband isn't being (as he says) "nuked" every two weeks, we are now at a place of waiting and waiting is such a hard thing to do, especially if it pertains to your loved one. So please keep praying for us.

My focus is still far from rock solid but I have regained some of it.... No, that isn't right. I've not regained my focus but I have regained some of my resolve. Resolve to keep pressing on and fight for the finish. This is what is helping me work on the piece I am going to submit in ArtPrize. And once that is done I know what my next larger piece will be. I'm looking forward to it as it will be experimental, which is perfect for my unfocused mind right now. I can dabble in different things on one piece.

So wish me luck as I try and complete the work at hand! And after that is done you will be sure to see more small paintings. (Since the planned piece is experimental it will take longer so in between certain parts I will be messing around with small paintings.) I'll also show the new larger piece in progress so you can get a view of what is going on.

Thank you for all the support you have shown me! And keep those prayers going. We are no where near the end yet....

2010-03-12T13:17:00.000-08:00

Title: "Disfigured"
Medium: Oil paints
Size: 8 x 10 inches

This painting started as a complete experiment. I was playing around with the paint to discover different techniques. I finally figured out what it was I was trying to create as far as texture but by the time I figured it out the canvas was a mess. I started to wipe the paint off and saw this great look appear. I liked what I saw and kept it. I will use the knowledge I gained for another painting and I look forward to implementing it, but this one just has to stay this way. :)

2010-02-25T06:15:00.000-08:00

Title: "Resolute"
Medium: Watercolor
Size: 6 x 9 inches

$100 plus $16 shipping and handling
watercolor on 140lb watercolor paper
"Resolute" started off as an experiment. I wanted to play with textures using only watercolor. Not too much thought went into this and I certainly didn't know how it was going to turn out or what was going to be in it. I enjoyed painting this one. The red sphere was especially enjoyable and I put a lot of detail into it. Something I haven't done in many months. Makes me wonder if my focus might be coming back some. You might look at this and think that I'm doing better and feeling more strong and positive, but in all truth this past week has been a hard one for me. I've had my break downs, but I keep picking myself back up and looking toward the positive.

Here is a detail shot of the red sphere in "Resolute":

2010-02-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

Title: "Chasm"
Medium: Mixed Media
Size: 6 x 9 inches

Mixed Media on 140lb. watercolor paper
$100 plus $16 shipping and handling

Chasm was started a couple weeks ago and then put to the side because I got busy cooking for the Super Bowl and my husband's birthday. He turned 38 this month and we both enjoyed being able to celebrate it! Every birthday is welcome now and we no longer dread getting older. We enjoy it and love it! It was a good day. :) Anyway today I decided to pick this painting back up again even though I had no clue where to go with it. I still haven't a clue as to where this piece went. I'm just going with it and calling it done. It is more minimalistic than I usually work, but maybe that's a good thing right now. I jumped around with mediums again with this one. There's watercolor, colored pencil, ink, acrylic, and then at the very end I threw on some of the coffee I was drinking. I have to admit that I look at this and then most of my other recent works and think that when I am dead and gone some critic is going to say I must have entered my Blue Period or something and that it must be in correlation to my family's struggles! LOL! Poor sap won't realize I started dabbling in blue before that ever happened. But we'll let him go ahead and think whatever he wants because I won't be around to care! LOL! One thing for sure, I know it is making my mother happy because she's always wanted me to paint more blue paintings . :D I still really love earth tones and I'm missing it. Maybe the next one will be more earthy and not so cold. Who knows what my mind will come up with. Even I don't know!

2010-02-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

Title: "Rift"
Medium: Acrylic and Oil paint
Size: 4x5 inches

Acrylic and Oil paint on stretched canvas
$100 plus $16 shipping and handling

My latest small painting. This one was started about 3 weeks ago but it took some time for the base texture to dry. The texture is quite thick. The base started off being made with a bit of focus and when it came to painting over the base I was quite distracted and nearly ruined it. My distracted mind had a hard time working around a focused base, but I think it turned out in the end.

Suspended

2010-01-27T13:13:00.000-08:00

Title: Suspended
Medium: Mixed Media
Size: 6 x 9 inches

This little one took me a few days to do and when I first started it I thought for sure it would end up in the trash bin. In fact, at one point, I looked at it and said "Yuck!" I didn't like the look of it at all, but just like with my last piece, I kept at it anyway. There was no direction or focus with this one, like the last, and I kept jumping around mediums again, but this time I seemed to have a little more...hmm...enjoyment for the arts overall, I guess you could say. While at first I thought this was horrible, just the idea of doing art was enjoyable so I kept at it. Suspended has a whole hodgepodge of fun things in it, and of course I had to add some coffee too! :D

Out of Focus

2010-01-24T13:48:00.000-08:00

This is obviously my first post. I am an artist going through a hard time right now with my family. My husband was recently diagnosed with colon cancer, had surgery which removed all of it, and is now struggling through chemotherapy. Ever since the devastating news I have had a very hard time focusing on anything, including art. But I have come to learn that artwork can still be made even when I have no focus. It's not artwork I usually do, but it's what is coming out now, so I'm just going with it. Who knows where it will lead. I honestly don't care. I just know I need to do it. This artwork might be the worst I have ever done or it might end up being the best. Only God knows.

These pieces will most likely be small, or at least much smaller than I have been doing, which has been quite large. Who knows though because I can never focus for too long on any one thing right now. Maybe I'll have a bunch going on at one time, or maybe I'll just do something small and quick just to keep my mind occupied. This blog will be where I chronicle this journey and the artwork that is produced.

This is the piece that started it all. It is a Mixed Media piece that remains untitled because I haven't figured out a name for it yet. It started with me throwing a bunch of coffee on a sheet of watercolor paper and just see what happened. Because I can't keep my focus I jumped from one medium to another, had absolutely no direction, and I honestly had no thought in it whatsoever. I was just keeping my hands busy and hoping to keep my mind busy as well. I have discovered that my mind is my worst enemy right now, causing fear to swell and overwhelm, so I try to keep my mind from being idle. I had to let the coffee dry so I went outside and built a snowman with my kids. The next day I threw on some watercolor paints, not even really caring where it went. I started seeing some weird forms take shape over the next couple weeks and I wasn't even sure I liked what it was looking like, but I kept at it because I really didn't care what happened. After the watercolor I used acrylic, then ink, then some more watercolor, then I threw on more coffee, went back to ink, used colored pencil, used graphite, and ended with ink.

So needless to say I don't know what to make of it, much less what to say about it. It's a piece that made itself. Or maybe it's what happens when a blank mind is let loose. We'll see what an unfocused mind will create next.

Title: Untitled
Medium: Mixed media
Size: 12x18 inches

If you want to see examples of my artwork before the chaos started just visit my website at www.aprilameyette.com